I cried today.

I’m not an emotional person. I keep them locked tight and close to my chest I when I do cry it’s usually because I feel so helpless I can’t fight it.

Today I sat with my eleven week old daughter asleep in my arms and I read about Eric Garner, I read the words he said before he was murdered and I cried. It was completely involuntary and the emotion I felt at that moment I could not put into words. It expressed itself its own way. 

‘Please just leave me alone’

I never really understood what true worry was until I became a mother. Granted I haven’t been one for very long but since my daughter was born all I do is worry… and Google. My search history contains every single sniffle or sound my daughter makes wondering if she is okay. 

Every news article I read every time I turn on my computer I see more and more things that make me worry for the world I must send my daughter into. I think, it wasn’t always this bad was it? Was it that I didn’t notice? Maybe. But I notice now and the feeling of helplessness I have when I view the world today is suffocating.

‘I can’t breathe’

Something needs to change. Something needs to happen. It’s coming, I know though that when it does. It won’t be pretty, it won’t be peaceful. It will be violent and costly because that is what humanity is. For some reason that is the only thing that changes us.